Have A Bad Day!

I discovered something amazing today. Acknowledging bad feelings is ok. For some of you, this may not be a milestone, for me, this is groundbreaking news. For some of my developing years, I felt as if a negative reaction were taken at face value for rebellion of some kind. I am not saying that was true, it was what I percieved. This isn't something I've spent time on a therapists couch for, but I have contemplated it. I have trouble dealing with the expression of negative feelings, and the mere presence of a negative feeling in myself gives me cause for alarm, because I feel I must do something about it. But wow, I don't!

I was sitting on the floor with my children in my daycare yesterday,and so many of them were just in a bad mood. Music didn't work, games didn't work, so we sat there. I finally addressed one child who threw some cheerios and said, "You're angry today aren't you?" SHe said yeah and threw another cheerio. I told her she could throw the cheerios. So we sat there for a few seconds while she threw a couple of cheerios with all the strength she could muster, then she grew tired of that and sighed. Amazingly, acknowledging the feeling instead of condemning the action of throwing something soothed her emotions. (It would have been different if she had thrown a chair.) Suddenly a light bulb came on. Cry if you're sad, laugh if you're happy, be who you must, it's a part of the plan. (That last bit was for all you Dan Folgerberg fans out there.) Seriously, the climate in the room changed immensly. It's ok to address and acknowledge the bad feelings, they won't get out of control, they actually diminish.

So, I gave myself permission today to be sad or angry or jealous or tired or scared or nervous.... Guess what, it was easier than berating myself for being anything but trusting and happy, secure or confident. Claiming that I'm well when I'm sick is just ignoring the facts, it doesn't change the situation. Claiming that I'm happy or confident when I'm sad or beside myself with worry only frustates me emotionally. When I confess I'm scared, sad, angry, jealous, tired, or sick exposes the feeling and lets me move past it. It's actually like letting the air out of a baloon. What a relief. Mind you, I'm not endorsing endless complaining or wallowing in self pity, but this "speak to things that are not as though they were" thing has been taken out of context and is getting really old. What about speaking to the things that are as though they are? If it works for the kids, hey, it works for me.