Her own person

I was watching my daugther today. She's lost that self-conscious essence about her; we only see sparks of it every now and then. She's more confident, can converse with the best of them, and is still her daddy's girl.

She just loves to spend time with him, whether it's riding to the store or throwing a few pitches in the field. SHe loves to spend time with me too, but she didn't have a whole lot of time with him over the past couple of years and they're making up for it.

She signed up for softball this year and she brought the schedule home yesterday. Between soccer and practice, there was an activity every night.

"I just can't do all this," I said shaking my head. I want her to be involved and do the things she enjoys, but every night is not possible.

"That's why they have buses mom, you don't have to come to every game."

And that's when it hit me. We are not one person. She is her own little entity, spreading out, exploring her universe, and although she informs me she wants me there sometimes, has made it perfectly clear she's going to do quite fine on her own.

Excuse me while I decide whether to laugh or cry.

All good things must come to an end

I closed down my family childcare home in May in order to take an office job and prepare for my last two years of college. Although we miss the children, the whole family is enjoying having the house to ourselves.

Last Sunday at 7:30 in the morning, I guess one of the children was missing me too. Little Sammy called, and in his little three year old voice said,

"Ola Mary!"

I was quite surprised and answered him likewise,

"Ola Sammy!"

He then rattled off a few sentences in Spanish, half of which I did not understand and promptly hung up the phone. It was nice to know he was thinking of me so early in the morning.

My clients frequently call or drop by just to keep in touch. It's good to know that you have an impact on a small life that lasts for some time. We all have that capability. A kind word, a squeeze of the shoulder, or a cup of cold water are measured very highly in the Kingdom of Heaven. Don't forget to do the little things while your looking for the bigger things to conquer. Chances are they are one and the same.

Wow

My daughter never ceases to amaze me. I won't go into details, but she did the right thing when she didn't think anybody was watching. There was no concern about peer pressure, or hurting someone's feelings, she just did what needed to be done. She decided to remain pure in her conversation and her actions and made it clear with her friends that she wasn't compromising. I found out about it after the fact and told her what I thought she should do, and she had already done it. Nipped it in the bud. Wow.

Seeds in My Head

I was playing basketball with my children the other day (daycare children), and one of them was upset because he could not make the ball go in the basket. I sat him down and told him that very soon he would be tall enough and he would be able to make it in all by himself. That seemed to please him. He went and played on some other toys, but I noticed he kept rubbing the top of his head. I asked him what he was doing, was he OK? He said he was feeling for seeds. I said, "What do you mean?" His reply: "I have to have seeds in my head if I'm going to grow."

Go To Bed Early

It's an amazing thing. My parents told me when I was younger that there would come a time I wished I could go to bed early. I just knew they were lying to me; trying to get me to go to bed so they could play games and watch tv without me getting in the way. Every child knows all the fun times happen when they're sleeping.

I recently discovered my parents were right. The time has come when 9:30 is past my bedtime. Not even CSI New York can entice me to stay awake. Homework, housework, and paperwork must wait for another day, because staying up late means waking up grumpy. It means cobwebs until 10:00 am and a nap after lunch.

So take my parent's advice. Early to bed and early to rise.

What was THAT?

I failed miserably today. I was grouchy and picky. My kids spent more time in time out than on the comfy rug. Well, I made it up at lunch a passed hugs out like they were cotton candy. You know, these kids are so forgiving. They just smile and it seems like they forget I was Atilla the Hun in the AM.

A smile goes a long way. I watched them mimick the way I felt, if I frowned, they frowned. If I smiled, they smiled. I'll have to remember to smile more. They look up with those expectant faces as if to say, "Show me how I'm feeling today." I wonder if it's that way with adults too. I'll have to remember to smile more.

Smiling is infectious,
You catch it like the flu,
When someone smiled at me today,
I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner,
And someone saw my grin,
When he smiled I realized,
I'd passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile,
Then I realized its worth,
A single smile, just like mine,
Could travel round the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin,
Don't leave it undetected,
Let's start an epidemic quick,
And get the world infected!

Why?

No matter how old I get and no matter how many things I accomplish, I still feel like a child when I visit home. Why is that?

Have A Bad Day!

I discovered something amazing today. Acknowledging bad feelings is ok. For some of you, this may not be a milestone, for me, this is groundbreaking news. For some of my developing years, I felt as if a negative reaction were taken at face value for rebellion of some kind. I am not saying that was true, it was what I percieved. This isn't something I've spent time on a therapists couch for, but I have contemplated it. I have trouble dealing with the expression of negative feelings, and the mere presence of a negative feeling in myself gives me cause for alarm, because I feel I must do something about it. But wow, I don't!

I was sitting on the floor with my children in my daycare yesterday,and so many of them were just in a bad mood. Music didn't work, games didn't work, so we sat there. I finally addressed one child who threw some cheerios and said, "You're angry today aren't you?" SHe said yeah and threw another cheerio. I told her she could throw the cheerios. So we sat there for a few seconds while she threw a couple of cheerios with all the strength she could muster, then she grew tired of that and sighed. Amazingly, acknowledging the feeling instead of condemning the action of throwing something soothed her emotions. (It would have been different if she had thrown a chair.) Suddenly a light bulb came on. Cry if you're sad, laugh if you're happy, be who you must, it's a part of the plan. (That last bit was for all you Dan Folgerberg fans out there.) Seriously, the climate in the room changed immensly. It's ok to address and acknowledge the bad feelings, they won't get out of control, they actually diminish.

So, I gave myself permission today to be sad or angry or jealous or tired or scared or nervous.... Guess what, it was easier than berating myself for being anything but trusting and happy, secure or confident. Claiming that I'm well when I'm sick is just ignoring the facts, it doesn't change the situation. Claiming that I'm happy or confident when I'm sad or beside myself with worry only frustates me emotionally. When I confess I'm scared, sad, angry, jealous, tired, or sick exposes the feeling and lets me move past it. It's actually like letting the air out of a baloon. What a relief. Mind you, I'm not endorsing endless complaining or wallowing in self pity, but this "speak to things that are not as though they were" thing has been taken out of context and is getting really old. What about speaking to the things that are as though they are? If it works for the kids, hey, it works for me.